I need you to think of someone’s authority in your life as a pair of sunglasses. As an adult, you can choose to put them on and submit to this authority or you can choose to take them off and live by your own. Occasionally, you might think you’ve taken off the sunglasses but in fact you’ve only put them on your head, and they sit there weighing in on every decision you make.
Children do not have this choice. When a child is home he wears his parent’s sunglasses. When he is in school, he wears his teacher’s sunglasses. Sports? Coaches sunglasses. And the list goes on. A child being raised with a mainstream parenting philosophy, is expected to submit to the adults in his life and never really gets to view the world from his own perspective. His life is always being shaded by someone else’s sunglasses. It’s the way most of us were raised, so not really all that uncommon, but definitely something that needs rethinking.
I want my kids to have an unobstructed view of the world. If I make the rules, tell them the good from the bad, and take full control over their life’s direction, that is a very big pair of sunglasses. I have shaded and distorted their vision so they can no longer make decisions that honor their true being. They will always be wondering, “What will my mom think?”, when what’s most important is what THEY think.
When I wore all those different sunglasses of all the authority figures in my life, I hated what I saw. I was living my life against the things I hated, rather than living life for what I loved. Nothing looked good to me and I often made decisions only to do the opposite of what I was seeing. What I didn’t realize, was that I hated what I saw because I was seeing things through someone else’s eyes.
I was living my life against the things I hated, rather than living life for what I loved.
And I know a lot of people who do the very same thing. I had no idea I was doing this until I moved. When I moved, I moved away from everything I disliked, there was nothing left for me to gripe about and I actually found myself having trouble making decisions. I didn’t dislike anything anymore, I feel like the cardboard box that went missing must have had all my sunglasses in it. Unexpectedly, once we were settled in to our new home I had NO IDEA how to move forward.
I don’t want this for my children. To turn 32 and realize that they don’t really know joy at all, and as much as I thought I did. I didn’t. The only way I can appreciate and support their personal analysis of the world is to have my own. I need to live free, if I’m going to support my children’s freedom.
1. Baby, lose those shades!
Take them off, and fling them into the ocean! Just as real sunglasses may trick your brain into not producing chemicals that block the sun, those figurative sunglasses aren’t doing your brain any good either. For me, this means blocking negative thoughts. Turning “I can’t.” into “Duh… of course I can!” and “What if” into “Let’s do it”. I often ask myself “Why not?!” and remind myself “Who cares what everyone else thinks! It’s my life!” You can fight against the voices in your head. I’ve always dreamt of living my life out loud… and so I am, and I’m doing it with clear, unobstructed vision.
2. Find your passions.
Finding what you love isn’t going to come to you on a silver platter. You’ve got to give something a go. I am so not a fan of Nike products, but didn’t they just have the best slogan in the world? “Just do It!”.
Baking cupcakes look fun to you? Just do it! Who cares if you don’t think they will be pretty or yummy. That standard you’re holding cupcakes to isn’t real. It’s only in your head. Always wanted to paint, but you’re afraid you won’t be good? It’s not true! Just do it! Is there really any sort of definition of what art should look like? Grab a canvas and throw some paint on it, right now.
3. Get out of your way.
Yes, you read that correctly. I said, Get out of your way! So often we’re just standing in our own way. You are the only one stopping you from what you want. You’ve got to figure out how to get out of your way before you can move forward. Sometimes that means really digging in to your past and why you are doing this to yourself, and sometimes that means you run forward, full force, knocking yourself over and flipping your former self the bird on the way by. Personally, I prefer the latter!
It’s catchy.
Living passionately is catchy, the GOOD kind of catchy. I love that I am able to live my life with such passion and joy and I’m seeing it trickle down to my children. I don’t force them to wear my sunglasses when I think they need them, they are living their own bright truths. However, they know they can borrow my sunglasses at ANY time, and keep them for as long as they want and need.